I cannot focus; I have trouble following through; I am a hypocrite; I am a sinner; I make mistakes; I fall down; I am human; I am perfect for the job. I may be more flawed than most students my age – and yet, the Lord calls on me to do His work. The fact that I am so inadequate to do anything for my Lord, makes me ideal for the calling!
I am not saying I am bad person; nor am I saying that I sin knowing that what I plan to do or say is wrong (although sometimes I do fall into that trap). What I mean is that because these things come to mind and worry me, I am on the right path – or so I’m told. I always question my abilities and talents and wonder why I lack so much “specialness.” Although I am energetic and usually known for my optimism, there is a side of me that many people fail to see or never try to understand. I won’t go into detail but let’s just say that me and God know I’m imperfect and yet, he sends me on these missions. I love and hate the missions all at the same time.
Sometimes I feel like a girl scout with an empty back-pack. God has sent me on this mission deep in the jungle and I have no rope, no food, no knife, definitely no map, no rain gear, no extra underwear, and no chocolate chip-mint cookies!! I need to go through this forest and make my own tracks so that I can lead someone else in the safe direction… maybe. I’m not really sure. I mean, that’s part of my imperfection, I never really know when I’m doing the right thing. Maybe that’s what makes me so great for the mission! I’m just like every other lost soul – except I know the possibilities. Maybe the weak can carry the strong. Maybe I can relate better to all those who have become lost simply because I am lost as well. Maybe we can work on it together and find a way to Salvation. Maybe… maybe… maybe… And that’s why I am not only called, I am begging to be picked. I want to serve. I want to share my mistakes with others and consol them when they make the same mistakes.
A lot of the time I question if God even knows what He’s doing… And then I remember: He wants me to ask that question – that’s my job – which means I must be doing the right thing. So dear Lord, pick me. I’m so inadequate that I’m adequate for the job.