by Ally Ferreira
I am on a spiritual journey. When I say this aloud to myself it almost feels as if I am native going on a spirit quest. I can recognize the similarities right away, because when you really think about it, we are all on a quest to figure out what our spirits want. What does my spirit want? My spirit longs for security. My spirit longs for happiness and for compassion. Although I joke a lot about the things I want I think that deep down inside I’m a pretty simple person. I could honestly do without all the crap that we think we need these days. Cell phones, expensive designer clothing, these things have crept their way into my life without me even knowing. I see my friends buying expensive things and I think that I want one too. Why are we always trying to one up ourselves? Why is there a constant struggle to be better than the next person? Where does this hunger come from?
I seem to be asking a lot of questions and I realize that I have to look to myself to answer these questions. Let’s start with, what does my spirit want? Well, my spirit wants to make other people happy because when I am able to make other people happy, I am happy myself. My spirit wants to live in stability because without stability and organization I cannot function. My parents have raised me to be very independent but I still have my moments when I feel like everything is falling apart. It’s only at this age that I realize that I’m not the only one who has those kinds of days where we feel that nothing we do is working in our favor. I used to move around a lot because my parents weren’t financially prepared. This is where my need for stability comes from. I have always longed to be the person who has lived in the same house their whole life and grown up with the same kids in their neighborhood.
Unfortunately we cannot always get what we want. But, knowing all that I know now, I think that when I decide to have children (in many years to come) I will ensure that they will receive the security and stability that I never got. I also am aware that with the instability in my life that I have developed great instinct and street smarts so I need to somehow come up with a way to let them have that too.
All in all I want my children to be comfortable with who they are and who they decide to become. I will make sure they go to church every Sunday because with religion I have found the stability that I thought I would never be able to possess.
For now I will have a few questions that may never be solved. But I’m comfortable enough and I’m stable enough to be okay with that. In time I know that some of my questions will be answered. I just need to pray about it.