by Ally Ferreira
In a matter of days it will be a new year. As 2011 approaches I can’t help but look back on my year. Let’s go to the very beginning. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way but it sort of hurts a little to look back on the beginning of 2010. For many this has been one of the hardest years in a very long time. I spent my new year in Ft. Lauderdale Florida with my ex boyfriend Juan. It was a year that held so much promise and new beginnings. It was a year I felt I would finally be with the person who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Everything was perfect, I was celebrating my new year with the person I loved the most in the world and I was laughing and bright faced. As the year continued I began to face new challenges with my ex boyfriend. He would be busy with school, and I would be busy with school too but him being an engineer really took a toll on our relationship. I spent my days falling more and more in love with him and he spent his days focused on the task at hand, his future. I think that eventually he began to see that I wasn’t going to fit into his future. I guess I just missed the memo because by the end of the summer (August) our relationship was over. How did I feel? I felt as if I had wasted a whole year of my life opening my heart to someone who could not open his heart in return.
I had a tough time spending the last week of August at home. Everything I did reminded me of him. I would talk about him and say “my boyfriend” and then remember that he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore. The first week that you go through after a break up is the worst, the longer you’ve been with the person I believe the more difficult it is. I went through all of the usual emotions of grief because breaking up is literally as if you are mourning the death of a loved one. You are mourning the death of something you thought once existed and held onto so tightly. I spent the last week of August feeling as if there was something missing and this feeling did not go away until my cousin’s girlfriend Jacy asked me the simplest of questions. I had been moping around the house, not getting out of my pjs, eating cookie dough ice-cream, watching sad movies like the notebook and Moulin rouge, and Jacy came up to my room one day and asked me if I would like to join her on a road trip. She was traveling from Toronto to Ottawa to see my cousin Joshua. I said yes, but only because I needed to go somewhere to get my mind off of things. So that weekend we packed up the car and left for Ottawa. I spent two days there and then bright and early one Sunday morning Jacy asked me a second question, “Ally would you like to come to church with Joshua and I, I know you don’t go but we would love it if you would join us.”
Now Jacy had asked me that question many times before but I had never really had an interest in attending church, I have always considered myself a Catholic but not a practicing Catholic. I was not the type to attend church every single Sunday; I was also not the type to be very faithful or believing. I took a chance and told Jacy “yes” and it was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I got dressed and we went to a church a few minutes away from Joshua’s house. Jacy has always been faithful and the amazing thing is my cousin Josh was also never a practicing Catholic but when he first started dating Jacy he decided to become a practicing catholic and he received his confirmation because he wanted to make that commitment not only to Jacy but to God as well.
As soon as I walked into the church a feeling of peace overcame me. I felt as if this weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I smiled for the first time in a really long time. I did not receive communion that Sunday because I had not yet made the commitment to attend church every Sunday and I felt that if I was going to receive the body of Christ that I had to be very serious about it. The whole mass felt like a dream. This is what had been missing from my heart. Sure, I was missing Juan, of course that was only natural. But I realized that I could fill that part in my heart with God’s love. I know that might sound really cheesy to some people but it’s completely and utterly true. I am happy to say that since then I have attended church EVERY Sunday and not because I want to brag about it, but because it makes me happy. I joined the church choir at Assumption and I finally get to give back that same feeling that I receive when I attend mass.
I am excited to see what the new year brings, and I will make sure to embrace all that God has to offer me.
See you in 2011 😉